That Thing Called A Heart
by One-Hundred Percent Juice
Summary: It's weird, that thing called a heart.I just… I don't get how it works! One day it tells you something, and the next, it just changes its mind! How do I know I can trust it? I mean, my heart never agrees with my mind. Ever. Spamano. Two-shot. AU.


Gah! Hey you guys! This is** Bakakuroneko11**, now **MeinGottAwesome**! I'm so sorry for being so inactive! And I haven't updated _Watching You_ in a long time, I apologize! But I do have my reasons, I'm sorry. I will try to update that as soon as possible, and I have been working on it, bu I don't know if I'll finish it on time! You see... I'm moving. With my mom, who has no internet connection. I hope you see the problem there.

Anyway... please enjoy this two-shot, which I can hopefully finish before I move.

**Disclaimer:** Hetalia Axis Powers belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. Okay? Okay.

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It's weird, that thing called a heart.

I just… I don't get how it works! One day it tells you something, and the next, it just changes its mind!

How do I know I can trust it?

I mean, my heart never agrees with my mind. Ever. While I'm thinking I should slap my brother for the annoying…thing…he is, my heart feels happy to see that he's doing well.

This is stupid.

Sometimes, I don't even know what my heart is asking me! Like, whenever I see Ant-someone, my heart jumps. It fucking jumps. But what the hell is it asking me to do? I don't understand what it wants from me. I don't get why it reacts the way it does. Is it trying to tell me something? If so, what?

I just want to know what the fuck my heart is feeling.

But, since it's _my _heart does it mean it's what _I'm_ feeling? I know, I'm spouting a bunch of crap right now, but deal with it. I just want to know what's going on down there.

No, not down _there,_ you fucking pervert. I'm talking about my heart here, remember?

So you might be wondering what I'm ranting about. Well.

It started a couple of months ago.

That bastard, Antonio, was at my house for dinner, because he's too lazy to cook his own meal. I'm at the stove, stirring up whatever I was cooking, when he suddenly comes up and hugs me from behind.

What. The. Fuck.

And he starts mumbling something in my ear about "thank you" and "adorable" and "tomatoes." That bastard. So I did what was logical.

No, no, fuck, get your mind out of the gutter already!

What I did was push him away. Duh. And then I started feeling really weird because my heart had decided to act like an asshole. So I slapped Antonio hard across the face and ran to my room.

No, I was not overreacting! He just-just surprised me, hugging me like that! With all that sudden physical contact, of course I would feel weird, yeah!

…I don't take that shit!

Anyway, because my heart wouldn't calm down and kept acting like an ass, I started crying.

I hadn't cried since... since Feli left me to move in with that potato bastard. N-not like I really cared or anything! But still, have you seen that guy? Okay, maybe you haven't. but he's big, buff, blonde, and German! I have reason to hate him! And my brother is so stupid, he'd go along with anything the macho potato told him! I mean, not like I would really care if that bastard hurt my brother or anything, b-but he could use my brother to rob a bank or something and they could, like, come arrest me! Yeah, my brother and I look alike. But we're not twins. I'm older by three years. Get your facts straight.

So… I went up to my room and cried for no good reason. And that idiot, Antonio, didn't get the hint when I slapped him and followed me up there. I had locked the door, so he just kept knocking on it and calling out to me. I ignored him. That bastard finally caught on after a couple of minutes and stopped knocking.

He said he was sorry. And that he would never do it again.

"It"? What the fuck was "it"? Was it that creepy random hug he had given me? If it was… well fuck, he better have been sorry! …I should've been content, right?

But for some reason, I wasn't.

Instead my stupid heart started aching again and I continued crying. Antonio left. N-not like that really mattered to me.

After that, things went on like normal. My brother came to visit me at the most random times, and I would let him or that potato bastard in, until they got at least one foot and a half away from each other.

Shut the fuck up.

And Antonio and I visited each other often, just because… well, just because we've known each other our whole lives. And we work at the same school, so sometimes we carpool. Just because I like to save money, though! Well… things were the same, but at the same time, they were different. It's like… Antonio didn't want to be near me. He sat on the other side of the couch when we watched TV. Whenever we had dinner together he sat all the way on the opposite side of the table. He made sure to never touch me, like I was some sort of disease. I shouldn't have cared. Hell, I should've been happy he finally got off my back. That's what my mind wanted to think. But my heart, the forever asshole, was…sad.

_I _was sad.

So I kept lashing out at Antonio, although he had done nothing wrong. He always took it, with a smile on his face. I felt like an ass. But I refused to admit to myself how unfair I was being. I was still confused… about everything. My attitude, Antonio's behavior, and… my own heart.

And then, a couple of days ago, Antonio hugged me after I told him what a bad day I had experienced at the school. He… he quickly let go. And he started apologizing, over and over. He left me on the couch and told me he had some stuff to do in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that if we had been at my house, he would've just left entirely.

But that's when I figured it out.

Antonio refused to be near me because of the time when I had slapped him when he had hugged me. He thought I would hurt him if he touched me. Or maybe he thought he'd hurt _me._

And that's when I realized I don't want that.

I still don't want that. It's been a couple of days after that, and Antonio still refuses to get too close to me. And I hate it. I want him to be near me. I want him to touch me, to hug me, to smile at me. I-it makes my heart skip a beat, and a warm feeling spreads in my chest when he's near me. Because… I like it. I like… I like _him_. He makes my heart happy.

He makes _me_ happy.

But now I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I want him to stay close to me, but he won't. He's still keeping as far away from me as possible. That… that _bastard_!

T-tomorrow, I'll do something. I don't know what yet, but I'll find a way to fix this.

F-fuck…

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I hope you enjoyed! It's not over yet, but like I said, I don't know if I'll finish in time... I'm sorry. But I hope to be back ASAP~!


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